Secrets of the father
by Shadowfax220
Summary: Why does Sam have gifts, but not Dean. John knows the answer. Everyone has their own secrets.
1. Secrets of the Father

Disclaimer: I do not own supernatural. (_sigh_!)

**Secrets of the father**

_Why does Sam have gifts that Dean does not? John knows why._

John Winchester had two secrets. One was his, the other was not. The only other person who knew about them was gone. She died over 20 years ago. One of the secrets was hers and he didn't know how to tell his boys. They could answer so many questions for both of them but, could just as easily destroy them and above all he couldn't let that happen.

He loved his boys, both of them. He always had. It's why he went to so much trouble to make sure they were prepared. He trained them in every way he knew how. They were both proficient at hand to hand combat, weapons, escape and evade techniques and every other skill he could think to teach them. They were both trained medics. He passed on everything he had learned in the Special Forces.

Then he learned more skills and he taught those to his boys also. They could both pick a lock in under thirty seconds. They knew how to disable most alarm systems and how to hot wire cars. They could hustle a mean game of pool or even poker and both of them were exceptional con artists.

Dean could take almost anything apart, fix it and put it back together. He was especially good at fixing cars, almost as good as his father. He was also an exceptional medic. He had patched up himself, his brother and his father so many times that John was sure that in another life he could have become a doctor.

Sam was exceptional at research. He was so smart it was sometimes scary. He took to book learning like a fish to water. Before he was ten Sam knew the words for the most common exorcism rituals they knew in Latin and pronounced them perfectly. He was quickly becoming a master at picking out patterns and finding hidden clues for the hunts.

What John couldn't teach his boys was the softer side of life. John didn't know how to be soft. He didn't know how to express his love. If things had been different, if Mary had not died, maybe… Maybe he could have learned enough from her to teach the boys. But, he had no idea how to instill the love and tenderness that the boys needed when they were growing up. He was afraid all he had to offer was heartache and pain, so instead he offered nothing. He taught nothing.

He had hoped and prayed that someday someone would come into each of their lives to teach them how to love, how to laugh. And it did, for Sammy… but it was taken away so quickly and replaced with the same heartache and despair that John knew. So now he hoped and prayed that neither of them ever found someone who could love them like that. Because with that love, came pain and destruction. It came for Sammy the same way it came for John. And John had learned that it was something he couldn't protect his boys from.

The worst part of it, the worst part of everything, was that it was all John's fault. His Secret had caused so much pain and suffering. He never should have married Mary. He never should have loved her. She was dead because she was his wife. He should have believed when his father told him the men in his family were cursed. The men in his family had gifts, gifts that he had passed onto Sammy. Gifts that were not really gifts at all but were instead magnets for evil. John had thought, that since he had not received these gifts that _his_ family would be safe. He was wrong. How do you tell your son that he is cursed because he _is_ your son?

Dean was safe from the curse. He was blessed because he would never have the gifts that his brother had. But that was the other secret the one that was not really his secret but now, with Mary gone he had to take on the burden of this one also. Now he had to decide if he should share her secret with their boys, because he couldn't tell his secret without telling hers.

John loved his boys, both of them and they were both _his_ boys. He had always loved and wanted them both. But how do you tell your son that he was the product of the rape of his mother? How do you tell your son that he is _not_ really your son at all?

You didn't. And because he couldn't tell Mary's secret his would also remain forever a secret.

**A/NPlease review and let me know what you think. Is it possible the brothers are only half-brothers?**


	2. Secret of the Son

Disclaimer: I do not own supernatural. (_sigh_!)

**Secret of the Son**

_When Dean was four he learned about secrets_

Dean Winchester had a Secret. He'd kept the secret since he was four years old. A secret he shared with no one. The only other person who knew about it was gone. She died over 20 years ago. He couldn't tell his father. He couldn't tell his brother. They would hate him if they knew.

When Dean was four he learned there was evil in the world. He learned when someone dies they don't come back, ever.

Twenty two years had passed but he could still remember the horrible things he said to her that day. He had wanted ice cream and she said no. He was angry and he told her he hated her. But he didn't, not really, he loved her. He told her he wanted her gone, but he didn't want her to go. He _never_ wanted her to go. But it heard what he said and it took her away. He wanted her back, but she didn't come back.

When Dean was four he learned that words could hurt. He learned that once you said something you could never take it back, ever.

Dean stopped talking that day because words can hurt. He didn't speak again until he learned to bury his emotions, because emotions could hurt. They could make you say things you didn't really want to say.

When Dean was four he learned that love could hurt. He learned that when you lost love you couldn't be happy, ever.

Dean loved his father. He would die for him. He tried so hard to be a good son. He did as he was told. He learned what he taught. He worked hard to make his father happy. But he was never happy. No matter how hard Dean tried. Only Mommy could make him happy and she was gone.

Dean grew up. He learned to be brave. He learned to hunt. He learned to kill. He learned to have fun. But most important of all he learned to _not_ to love.

Dean had loved his mother. He was only four when she died. He remembered that day like it was yesterday, because it was his fault she had died. He knew it then and he knew it now. It was his secret. One he could never tell. How could he tell his brother and his father that the demon came because it heard his words and felt his emotions? How could he tell them that it was his fault that she was dead?

When Dean was four he learned to hate ice cream.

**A/N Please review and let me know what you think.**


	3. Secrets of the Youngest

Disclaimer: I do not own supernatural. (_sigh_!)

**Secrets of the Youngest**

_Sam has secrets he knew things, things he didn't want to know._

Sam Winchester had Secrets. Secrets he shared with no one. He couldn't tell his father. He couldn't tell his brother. They wouldn't listen even if he told them. So he waited. He watched, and he hoped. But he knew. And it scared him.

Sam wanted a normal life. But he couldn't have one. He wanted his family safe. But they would not be safe. He wanted to live life the way it was meant to be. Happy and fun, full of love and joy. But he couldn't because his family needed him. And it scared him.

Sam Winchester knew things. Things he shouldn't know. He didn't know how he knew them. He just did. And it scared him

Sam knew that Jessica was going to die. He didn't want to know, but he did. She was his love. He needed to be with her. He knew she would die as his mother had died. He ignored the knowledge and she died. She was his responsibility. He didn't protect her; she died. And it scared him.

Sam knew his father was going to die. He didn't want to know, but he did. His father was safe while he hid from his sons. But they needed him. Dean needed him. He knew his father would give up his life to protect his brother. If he ignored the knowledge his father would die. If he acted on the knowledge his brother would die. He couldn't protect them both. And it scared him.

Sam knew his brother was going to die. He didn't want to know, but he did. His brother was safe while he was gone. It's the reason he left. The reason he stayed away. He knew his brother would give up his life to protect him. But his brother needed him to find their father. He ignored the knowledge. And it scared him.

Sam knew his mother had to protect him. He didn't want to know, but he did. He knew the demon came for him that night. He knew if he had never been born they would be safe. All of them, his mother, his father, his brother, his love, they would die because he was born to this world. He couldn't protect them, none of them. And it scared him.

Sam knew he was going to die. He didn't want to know, but he did. He knew in the end he would die. He knew it would be a horrible and painful death. But he ignored the knowledge. Because he would take the demon with him. It was why he was born. And it scared him.

Sam Winchester was tired of being scared.

**A/N Please review and let me know what you think.**


	4. Secrets of the Mother

Disclaimer: I do not own supernatural. (_sigh_!)

**Secret of the Mother**

_She had lied to her husband once._

Mary Winchester had a secret. The only other person who knew about it was gone. He left over 20 years ago. She had told him some of it, but something had stopped her from telling the whole truth. He needed to know, she should have told him the rest but she couldn't she didn't believe and now that she did, now that she knew it was true it was too late. She could no longer find him. She was gone.

She loved him so very much, she always had. It's why she couldn't tell him. If she told him the truth then, it would have destroyed him. Instead, she did the only thing she could do she kept her silence. She didn't tell him. She should have.

He would never have believed her if she told him the other things. She couldn't blame him, she hardly believed it herself. It wasn't until her youngest son was born that she started to believe. She watched them together it was just as she'd been told. He was the protector. It was true, all of it, everything. Now though, now it was too late to tell him. She was gone.

She wished she could tell him about his son. He needed to know that what she told him was only partially true. That it had not been consensual. He had scared her, it was his eyes. They were white, solid white. It was him, but not him. He said he was an angel sent to give her a gift that would save her son. He told her not to be scared. He said that his son would be the protector the guardian of her son.

She loved him so very much. How was she supposed to tell him that he was the one who taken her that day, he was the one who had given her their first child. It was him, but it wasn't. It would destroy him to know what he had done. But he needed to know the boy was his, just as much as he was hers and the angels. She should have told him. But now it was too late. She was gone.


End file.
